How do I let my drinking buddies know that the quilting project we’re working on is turning out like hell?

Question by Jack B, male pattern baldness: How do I let my drinking buddies know that the quilting project we’re working on is turning out like hell?
We’re your usual bunch of guys, you know, the kind who get off from a hard day’s work and head down to the strip club to drink beer, ogle women, and work on our sewing projects. Well, a few weeks back we decided that our current project would be making a wall quilt for the club; the theme for the quilt is “a garden of pansies”, and everyone is working on their pieces, all of them incorporating pansies.

It was such a great moment when we decided on the project, all of us were giving each other high-fives, spraying each other with beer, really excited to get started on the quilt. Now, a fortnight later, I am just disgusted with how it is all turning out. Simply put, everyone’s pieces look like crap, and it is going to turn out to be one lousy quilt. How can we be proud of ourselves as men with such a travesty hanging on the wall?

Take Mad Dog’s piece, for instance; I was getting a lap dance last night at the club, and was about ready to blow, ya know, when I look over and take in the quilting piece he was working on. He decided that his piece would be a “kittens and pansies” block, and I swear-to-god, that *kitten* looked like a rock with a tail on it! I pushed the dancer off of my lap and stomped over to Mad Dog, and he looked up and tremblingly asked me, “Hey, how do you like my piece? I know it isn’t very good….” Well, I was about to chew him out when a fight broke out on the other side of the club between two guys over an embroidery hoop, so I had to go do some ass-kicking. By the time that was finished, everyone was clearing out to go home.

I stood in the parking lot and watched all the guys packing their sewing equipment and god-awful quilting pieces into their trucks and motorcycles, and just wanted to puke. The only piece of the quilt that’s any good is my own “bunnies and pansies” block. I am at a loss here. If I speak up and tell everyone what a crappy job they’re doing, I’ll probably get my @ss kicked, but if I say nothing, we’ll end up with some crappy quilt.

How can I let the guys know they need to man up and get serious about their sewing?

Best answer:

Answer by Lovin’life!!
Wow. That was actually kind of amusing. :P

Give your answer to this question below!

14 Responses to “How do I let my drinking buddies know that the quilting project we’re working on is turning out like hell?”

  1. Wayf says:

    Wear your sh|t kickers when you tell them. I’ll be thinking of you, Jack. And I promise to visit if you end up in the hospital (or jail).

    I bet your bunnies and pansies ARE the best!!


  2. Wren says:

    ((Jack))I know how terrible it is to bear burden like this. I feel so very sorry for you. It seems that this had become quite a problem. Think of the money you are wasting on good lap dances that never get to be finished! I can only see a couple possible solutions to this.

    1- Tell your friends that you think the pansies project is not classy enough for the club. You can tell them that you think something more like “a garden of panties” would be much better. You could even get the strippers involved by donating panties for you all to sew together onto the patches!

    2- You can break into the club and steal the quilt. Your friends will think that their work was so *great* that someone could not resist taking it home with them to enjoy.

    3- You final option is to tell your friends that they suck, and you have seen better needle work for 4 year old children. This will probably result in a beating you will never forget, and being banned from your club. I do not recommend this, as it takes a long time to sample all the clubs in an area and find a really good one. I mean who wants to sit through 100′s of crappy lap dances when you know what you like where you are?!?!

    I wish you the best my friend….

  3. Rez says:

    I had a similar problem with a friend of mine who wants to transform his garage into a dance club/bar. He painted all the walls and ceiling black and installed strobe lights in all the corners- all colors. He has christmas lights dangling from the raftors and just this weekend he hung the three foot diameter disco ball. He’s onto decorating the walls with posters of Lady GaGa (he’s a little obsessed) but yesterday I came over and he’d hung a large poster of Michael Jackson on the wall, Thriller era, the one where he’s reclinin’ with the jerry curls.
    His brother and I spent the entire night trying to convince him that Michael Jackson just doesn’t go with the theme of the place. The gay atmosphere invoked happily by pink clad GaGa and the shiny lights are just plain darkened by the presence of Michael. I mean, when the kids from the block come over to visit with their parents what will they think, seeing Michael Jackson on the wall? It’s just a goddawful dillema, it is.
    I hope you find an answer to this because I sure don’t have one.

  4. Toujours Schmecky says:

    This is too terrible. But I know exactly how you feel. Me and my guys all went and started ballet classes as a surprise for our wives. We were going to put on a mini Swan Lake but some of them just wouldn’t take it seriously and kept drinking beer at the bar instead of the wine coolers we had all agreed on. They just thought that the coolers weren’t manly enough. Well, no kidding! When you get the cherry garnish it IS a little foppish but if you just ask for lime it’s butch enough. So I was supposed to be the prince and my friend, let’s call him Azzhole, was supposed to be the Swan Princess who is named Odette, and he wouldn’t shed the extra pounds so I couldn’t lift him. It totally ruined our recital and I am never talking to him again. Don’t I have feelings? Didn’t I have aspirations for the big recital? Our teacher, Miss Natasha was so proud she was hiding her face in her lap with tears running down her face whenever she managed to lift her face. And she was smiling like anything. Our wives liked it too and said we should go on TV with a video or something but I am never dancing with Mr. Azzhole again! Some people just don’t care about the finer things in life, my brother. Can I come do quilting with you? Do you know how to tango? Can we be friends??

  5. Gen. Stiggo says:

    I’m sorry, but it’s your own fault for not listening to the old expression: Don’t drink and quilt.

  6. Lisa says:



    Hey man, sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. Man up and tell them!!!

  7. FallenAngel©once VT always VT says:

    One of the best questions I have ever seen….

  8. *Kerilyn says:

    SORRY…But I could NOT possibly give you any advice on this at all…

    But I will give you a star for that story…

    “Men, NEVER cease to amaze me!!!!”

  9. ĿỉŁF™ - That Sideways B*tch ↕ says:

    It sounds like you and your gang really need to have a feelings session. You should gather everyone together with their quilt blocks and sit in a circle and express your feelings in an environment without judgment. After you’ve all expressed yourself, end with a 5 second group hug and then begin a new project…a feelings quilt. Once the feelings quilt is complete an hanging proudly on the wall, you can then begin your untainted journey to completing the “garden of pansies” quilt. Before you know it, you’ll all be ready to embark on a new adventure…may I suggest a “rainbows and fairies” theme?

  10. Eddie Cacciatore, Private Eye says:


    Break a beer bottle first and pull out your blackjack, and then tell them.

  11. GUY bein' a GUY says:

    I fully understand how difficult it is to keep your textile needlework going in a strip club.

    The guys into knitting are always dropping stitches when the strippers shake their, er, stuff in their faces.

    What to do? Live with it.

    I’m sure the rock with pansies will look just fine when displayed in the club when finished.

    I am also sure the ladies appreciate that you still find time to lend attention to their performance while you are concentrating so strongly on your
    passionate hobby.

    Trying to get aficionado to divert their attention from textile work is difficult at best and any attention gained is high praise indeed.

    At least that is what the ladies tell me.

  12. Lisa b says:

    That’s beautiful!

  13. AloneMorgan1990 says:

    Recall, cats are pleasant inside pictures nevertheless, you are certainly not really expected to bring these people inside. They are barn animals pertaining to finding these pests.

  14. AmanahectiAmanah69 says:

    i tried this and also my personal pet Saydee shoved her bowl on the floor

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